Sadistic Love
by Nova the Mad
Summary: Naruto is about to become a college student, but before he does that, he wants to give up his cat-and-mouse love relationship with Sasuke so he can be a better man. But will he be able to? Or is he forever stuck in their relationship of sadism and masochism? OOC, AU.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I'm about to be a Freshman in College. I passed the entrance exam to both Osaka and Kyoto University but I chose to go to the escalator system college because I'd rather be lazy in school. All my life I was always in Class D, 1-D, 2-D, and 3-D. My three years of High School were spent three classes away from my crush, who was always in Class A. At least I ended up on the Top 50 a few times in my high school life, so I wasn't a complete idiot, unlike my best friend: Inuzuka Kiba. Who was Class-F his entire high school life. I have smart friends, too, like Nara Shikamaru (whom I call Shika-chan out of habit), who always ranks 1 on the Top 50 and has always been in Class A with my crush.  
My crush is also my rival. We've had this love-hate relationship for years. We'd be friends one moment, enemies the next.  
Lately, I've been getting tired of this never-ending pattern. I want something more stable. But I guess I can't expect that out of an Uchiha.  
Yes, my crush is Uchiha Sasuke and he's the biggest asshole I've ever known, but I suppose it's our naturally clashing personalities that lure me to him. He's a snobby rich boy with both of his parents and an older brother named Itachi. I'm a friendly poor boy with deceased parents, a cousin named Karin, and an older brother (whom is my rightful guardian) named Kurama. We also have a pet fox with genetic mutation. By genetic mutation, I mean he has eight extra tails and because of his nine tails, we named him Kyuubi. It's a small family, but a family none-the-less.  
I just wish Sasuke wasn't such an insufferable know-it-all.  
Anyways, I guess my days of worrying are over. He got accepted into Tokyo University and is going there this upcoming fall semester. He's going into business to become an asset to the company his brother will take over.  
I'm going in on the escalator system to become a medical professional. So far I'm only headed for RN, but maybe I'll be something more... just maybe.

"Earth to Naruto!"  
I blink and look up at Kiba as I realized I had spaced out at lunch again. Lately, my mind's been wandering to this cat and mouse game Sasuke has us playing. I'm endlessly chasing him and he seems to like the advances but then he turns cold shoulder at the last second. I sigh and grab my tray, emptying it and taking it up before walking off toward the library. This was third lunch, where all third year seniors attended and Sasuke was always in the library, reading a book or studying for a class. I admired him for his dedication.  
I spot Sasuke right away and swallow down the bile rising in my throat. I need to sever the ties that keep us together before the end of the school year, or else I'll never move on. I enter the library and suddenly feel a chill. I look around and see the eyes of the Sasuke fanclub on me. He smirks and challenges me to face him with his club there. I can't. I turn and walk right out, heading toward the bathroom to heave my lunch. I don't have the courage.  
I enter the bathroom and just wash my face instead of purging, since the nervousness subsided. I grab a towel and dry off my face when the door opens. I look up to see, well, Sasuke. Of course. He had to follow me. I stare at him wide-eyed before glaring.  
"Teme, what are you doing stalking me?" I growl out.  
"I wasn't stalking you. I had to relieve myself. Is that some kind of crime now, dobe?" Sasuke smirks, cocky.  
I hate this guy, but I can't stop loving him.  
"Whatever, you asshole," I look to the side and before I know it, I'm pinned on to a wall inside a bathroom stall that's been shut and locked... and Sasuke's the one pinning me.  
"Don't let your guard down, baka." His voice is so seductive it pisses me off... but it also turns me on.  
"St-Stop. I'm tired of this cat and mouse game!"  
He merely smirks and begins his process. He kisses my neck, nibbling here and there as I feel his hands slide down and push up my shirt. I feel his kisses over my neck turn into hickeys as they burn my skin from my jaw to my collar bone on each side. It feels like his etching his name into my skin, forever claiming me as his.  
He unbuttons his pants and I know what's coming next. He shoves me down and presses his penis into my mouth. I've gotten used to this. I suck and lick and give him what he wants. He finishes, ejaculating all over my face before getting up, fixing himself, and leaving. I just slump, feeling used as always.  
Why can't I reach his heart?  
I stand and go back to rewash my face and get the semen out of my hair. He's such a secret pig.  
A smile graces my lips. I like the way he treats me so roughly.  
"I'm such a masochist," I whisper to nobody.  
I am. I'm a masochist and I love the way he treats me with no respect, no dignity. He strips away my manliness piece by piece and even though I say I hate, I actually don't... and I think he knows that.  
He's a sadist so I guess it works.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**So I'm trying my hand at SasuNaru fanfictions again, I hope all goes well. These characters will be slightly out of character because of the way this fanfiction is designed. So, forgive me.  
Please give me feed back. I'd love to know what you think about it and where you think the story should go. I never make plots for the story because I like getting readers' opinions and following majority votes on what should happen next.**

**Take care,  
Nova**


	2. Chapter 2

Many things are fleeting. Relationships are a great example of what I mean. Not many relationships make it past the first month. The first month is the trial period. If you make it past a year, you're doing alright; 5 years is okay; 10 years is well; 20 years is great; 50 years is excellent; 65+ years is eternal damnation.

Sasuke and I are in the OKAY area.

Though... I wouldn't call what we have a relationship, because technically he's dating Sakura. I hate it, but he does it to torture me.

Everyone assumes he's straight, but's he a man whore. He loves men and I know it, because every night he comes crawling back to me... or vice versa. Either way, we have our fun and nobody knows except Kiba, my best friend.

It's a sick game Sasuke and I have.

A sick game that I'm in love with. I chase him down, he pins me, and we do the do. Then he gets bored and walks away and I have to chase him down again. It makes life interesting, but I wonder if he'd ever finally come out and claim me as his in an actual relationship.

We've held this secret one for 5 years, ever since middle school.

I'm sick of it, but at the same time I crave more of it.

I'm twisting on the inside and becoming slowly demented, and I have no one to blame but myself and that bastard.

I love him too much.

I sigh as I wait for Sasuke to return from the bathroom. I'm counting shapes the number of specks I can find in his stucco ceiling. I hear a flush and then the sink and he's finally out.

"Alright. Clothes off."

So demanding. It turns me on and I comply, standing completely nude before him. I'm his slut. His good fuck that he goes to everytime.

"Well it looks like you've gotten bigger," he smirks and I feel my face heating up. It's true that my genitalia have grown quite a bit, but not THAT much. But he's an Uchiha and Uchiha's notice everything. That's why we're having sex under my roof while Kurama, my older brother, is away for the weekend. Karin's busy with Suigetsu and Juugo, so she's out, tonight was the perfect night.

I assume the position he wants me in, on the bed. I'm on my back with my legs spread for him to look me over with predatorial eyes. He licks up my neck as he takes out the lubrication and slicks a single finger and presses it into me.

I jolt, not used to preparation, even if it's minimal. He slicks himself up before pressing in, and my hands fist the bed. I love this too much, I even wish he'd be rougher with me.

With every thrust of his hips, I feel that much more alive. I moan out his name as he presses into my prostate. It feels good and I can't help but cling to him.

Before I know it, it's over and we're curled into eachother. He's holding me and it feels nice.

I know he's sleeping, his breath is too even.

I tilt my head up slightly and look up at the Uchiha. His lovely raven hair cascades into his face like a perfect veil that masks his face in a late night promenade.

I was never poetic until I fell for this jackass.

I'm learning the right words and jotting them down in my spiral notebooks. Everyday's a poem to me.

Everyday's a chapter in my love story. But the ending won't be a happy one.

I know he'll grow tired one day. I dread that day.

I sigh myself to sleep and awake to an empty bed.

I sit up and smell toast and eggs, so I decide to stroll downstairs. Karin's there, cooking breakfast. She's not the best cook, but I'll take it. It's here 'rightful motherly duties', even though she's not my mom.

My mom was her aunt. We both miss my mom.

"Karin, when'd you come in?" I ask with a yawn.

"Around the time Sasuke-kun snuck out," she smirks.

She knows all about Sasuke and I and she loves the fact that he's having an affair with me behind Sakura's back.

I roll my eyes and sit at the table. "Well that must have been a couple hours ago."

"Yeah, I woke up early so Juugo dropped me off," Karin shrugs and sets a plate of egg on toast in front of me. "Eat up. I was gonna make pancakes, but we're out of milk."

"Are we? I swore aniki bought more before he left," I wonder aloud.

"Nope. Jeez, itoko, you're such a space cadet sometimes," Karin rolls her eyes and carries on her merry way.

Can you blame me for being a space cadet? My life is a big, sadistic love story that pleasures Sasuke until he's bored with me, then it because a sad, unrequited love story until I die. I'm not "depressed" or anything, but the feelings of regret linger in there somewhere.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, all I know is that I want Sasuke to love me.

I guess he needs to break up with Sakura first before that could EVER happen.

* * *

**Well here's the second installment. I hope you guys like it enough.  
I enjoy making this fanfic.  
But it's hard to type when you're working.  
**

**Your author,  
Nova**


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREMELY VULGAR CONTENT! THE FOLLOWING ARE INCLUDED IN THIS CHAPTER: rape, "golden showers"/urination, sounding/urethra-entry, blood play, docking (penis entering the foreskin of another penis), and other violent acts of non-consensual sex. IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITH THIS, THEN DO NOT READ!  
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

* * *

My life is in turmoil. Sakura, somehow, found out about Sasuke and I and now she's going to kill me.

I'm sure this is how my life will end.

I'm running through the halls at high velocity as one Haruno Sakura chased me down. It was hunting season and Uzumaki Naruto was on the 'kill' list. I was for dinner.

"NARUTO! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL MY SASUKE!"

Try? Bitch, he's all over me... and vice versa. I don't DARE say this aloud. I run into the nearby men's room and lock the door. She pounds her fist on the door.

"You have to come out some time!"

"And you have to leave some time!" I retort. She kicks the door in frustration.

I turn around to face the peers that were now locked in the bathroom with me. The ingredients of this lockdown include: one Hozuki Suigetsu, one Sunano Gaara, and one Uchiha Sasuke.

This is only gonna get uglier.

"Look who we have here," Sasuke smirks and lifts my chin up to meet his eyes. He's smirking. "Uzumaki. You know, you're the very reason Sakura and I broke up. I should... thank you for that. You two want to help me 'thank' Naruto, here?"

Gaara was an evil, sadistic bastard and agreed with an evil smirk. Suigetsu was Sasuke's flunkie so of course he agreed.

Before I know it, I'm pinned to the bathroom wall, Sasuke's hand pulling off my clothes. I struggle, mainly because I don't want the the other two to touch me. Only Sasuke, but Sasuke isn't going to have that.

He tightens his grip and flips me around, pressing his erection into my ass. Damn that hurts like hell. He presses all the way in and starts moving immediately. I yelp in pain, but he silences it with a kiss.

I'm getting used to Sasuke inside me when I feel another erection enter my anus. The stretching and ripping of my muscles causes me to bleed a little. They're both moving in me and it hurts. It feels like chaos in my backyard.

That's when a third erection decided to pry its way in as well. My eyes widen and I'm screaming out, but Sasuke's silencing those screams with his tongue. Tears rolled down my face as my anal muscles rip more and blood starts leaking on to their penises. It hurts too much.

I shudder as they all pound into me, not giving my any reprieve.

Sasuke's lips leave mine and I'm begging now. "Please. Please stop it! It hurts!"

They ignore me and press into my harder.

Suddenly, one of them pulls out and I'm pried away from the wall as the other two continually pound in and abuse my backside. The one that pulled out is now facing me and I can tell by the red blur that it's Sunano Gaara. He looks down at my own penis as I regrettably moan when Sasuke hits my prostate.

Gaara starts pressing his penis into my own. I scream in pain as he enters the urethra. Once he's fully inside, he begins moving and it's painful. His entire penis is inside my urethra.

Suigetsu finds my prostate as well and soon both him and Sasuke are pounding into my prostate. I moan out as Gaara begins to pound into my urethra, the tip of my penis bleeding from where it was forced open.

Pain and pleasure melt into one as I become a sweating mass of moans. Soon, it ends. Sasuke and Suigetsu both grunt as the release inside of me, the semen mixing with my blood as some of it falls to the floor when they pull out. Gaara grunts and pulls out after ejaculating into urinary tract, blood mixing with mine and Gaara's semen both as I ejaculate both out of my system. They drop me and I fall to the floor, sweaty and covered in cum.

The cum of three different men, one of which is my sadistic lover.

I curl into a ball under the sinks as Sasuke and Suigetsu clothe themselves and leave. Gaara stops and decides to piss on my face before clothing himself and leaving.

I'm bruised, I feel broken, and I'm covered in seminal fluid, my own blood, and urine. I stay like this until Kiba finds me like this afterschool.

He's apalled and takes me directly to the hospital after cleaning me up. I don't want Sasuke to get in trouble so I tell him to clean it all out for me.

He's a true friend.

He complies and gets me cleaned up before I go to the hospital.

I don't know what I've become, but if Sasuke ever wanted to do that again, I'd comply. I love the sweet bitterness of torture. Sexual torture. It fills my masochistic lust for Sasuke.

Only Sasuke.

* * *

**Sorry for the rather gruesome story today. It was part of the plot.  
But let me know what you think of this chapter... for those of you who still read on.  
Love ya guys~**

**Your author,  
Nova**


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING: THERE IS RAPE CONTAINED WITHIN THIS CHAPTER! DO NOT LIKE? DO NOT READ!**

* * *

Here I was hoping my slutty actions wouldn't be broadcasted across the entirety of Japan, but apparently having a four-way with an Uchiha and a Sunano is a big thing. Tossing in a Hozuki is just icing on the cream pie. If you catch my drift.

Golden showers and cream pies were the headline on everyone's gossip the next day at school. Karen was appalled and Kurama was wondering what happened.

Rumors spread like wildfire. It was rape. I was raped. Sasuke was raped. Suigetsu and Gaara were raped.

I was raped.

I keep trying to tell myself I wanted it, but in reality I only wanted Sasuke.

I was raped and I can't keep denying that. The man I love and two other subordinates raped me in the boy's bathroom at school. I have the stitches on my ass to prove it.

I'm basically a mute now. I talked some before, but I don't anymore. They ask questions, I shrug. I'm done talking. Talking hurts my throat anyway.

They want me to express myself, but what I really want to do is scream. Scream as loud as I can until my voice dies and I wither away. I want to scream and scream until Sasuke finally gets it. Gets that I love him and stops treating me like garbage.

But instead of screaming aloud, I scream on the inside. Scream so loud inside that it's tearing my fragile mind apart. Breaking it bit by bit, piece by piece.

Shattering it into nothingness.

I was raped and now I'm mute.

The bell rings for class to begin and already my head is on the desk as I try to squeeze in a few more hours of sleep. Nightmares don't bode well for sleeping, besides Kakashi-sensei won't be in for another 15 minutes.

I doze off and before I know it a book's ricocheting off the top of my head. I look up and see an angry Iruka-sensei. Wait? I thought this was English, not Math. I look at the time. I slept through English completely.

I'm a senior in high school and I'm in Class 3-D. The class for almost adequate teenagers that are riding into college on the escalator system. I may have had the opportunity to go to Osaka or Kyoto University, but I flagged it down to ride the escalator through life. Sasuke decided on Escalator, but he'll probably transfer within a year.

I'm going in for medical. Medical at an escalator college. I wonder how that'll go.

Class 3-D is filled with not-complete-morons-but-still-morons. I'm one of them. Just look at my love life.

I have high standards though, apparently.

As school ends and I walk out the school, I'm berated by my peers with spitballs, paper balls, trash, food, spit, shoves, and even a few golden showers (courtesy of the jocks). I'm drenched and sticky and I reek but I don't care anymore. I'm done with it all. I head out the double doors where Kiba's waiting for me and he looks so saddened.

Shikamaru and Chouji are next to him with saddened expressions as well. I move forward and grab a towel out of my backpack and set it on the seat in Kiba's car and get in. They other three follow suit.

"Hey Naru. Shika, Cho, and I are gonna go to the arcades. You're coming with," Kiba smirks and nods. I shake my head.

"Not in the mood. I'm just going to go shower and then sleep. Maybe I'll get lucky and become comatose..." I state dryly as they all give me sympathetic looks. It's the first time I've talked in a week.

"Naruto. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up, we're worried about you. Kurama thinks you're going to commit suicide," Chouji pipes in.

"Yeah and Karin says she wishes you'd open up more," Shikamaru puts in his two cents. Shikamaru was temporarily 'dating' Karen while he and Temari were on break.

I shrug and stare out the window. They drop me off at my house and I trudge in and take a bath immediately. I almost want to take a blade to my wrist and bleed to death or even drown in the bath, but I refrain. I'm all Kurama's got. With mom and dad gone, Kurama and I are all we have. Yeah, there's Karin, but she's just a cousin. Kurama's my older brother. We were born from the same parents. We're all we have left.

Once I'm all showered, I change into pajamas and crash in my bed. A nightmare ensues once more.

I wake up around 1 AM, the nightmare getting to me. I go downstairs and get a glass of water, drink it down, and head upstairs. I shut the door and look up and nearly scream.

There's an Uchiha on my bed.

And it's not Sasuke.

"I-Itachi! What are you doing here?" I ask, scared.

"Well, my brother seems to have gotten himself quite a reputation. And if you're good enough to risk a reputation over, then I had to see it for myself," the older brother smirked.

I shake my head.

Before I know it, his hand's on my mouth and I'm pinned to the wall. He grabs a small bandana out of his pocket and gags me before using my bedsheets to tie me down (after stripping me, of course). I struggle, but the knots are too tight.

I know where this is going.

He doesn't do anything. He just pulls down his pants and boxers enough to pull himself on, slips on a condom, and then presses into me. He's longer than his brother, but Sasuke's thicker.

He presses in and out of me and I cry and scream and beg for help.

But I'm powerless.

I zone out. It's all I can do. I don't want to be here and I don't want this to be happening.

Why is it happening? Where is Kami-sama in all this?! Where the fuck is he?!

Eventually he finishes after I release (much to my chagrin).

"You had three guys, I figure what's a fourth to a slut like you." He smirks and leaves out the window after untying me and reclothing me. I curl into my bedspread and cry silently and rather violently.

Why does this happen to me?

I don't mind it with Sasuke. But the others. No. They need to stop.

I swear, I'm going to chop off the dick of the next guy who does this to me.

I'm going to.

The next day follows and after the day ends, I make my way through the halls. I'm stopped and suddenly dragged to the bathroom where I am pinned to the door on inside of the bathroom. I look up and see Sasuke's face. It looks hurt and angry and confused.

My eyes are wide. I try to speak but my throat is still paralyzed. I'm still mute.

He kisses me roughly and holds me to him tightly. Am I dreaming? If so, I don't ever want to wake up.

"I... I know what Itachi did to you. It's unforgivable. He knows not to touch what's mine unless I give permission to him or anyone else." His voice is venom.

Did he say I was his?

I find my voice. "Since... when have I been yours?"

"You're an idiot. Sakura was for appearances, shit-for-brains, but now it's out in the open, so I don't care," Sasuke kisses me roughly again.

"But you treat me like shit..." I mumble.

"You never stopped me and you know damn well you like it," he glares at me and I shiver. Before I know it he's kissing my neck and I'm sliding down the wall as we get into it.

I'm his and he's mine. Is that what we are? Are we finally each others? Or is this some testament? A cry for help? An act of rebellion against his brother? I don't know and I don't want to know.

I'm happy where I am right now.

I'll carry on merrily, pretending nothing's wrong when I feel like my brain's about to fall apart.

* * *

**Completed at 1 AM EST on 36 hours of no sleep. :D  
****Hope you guys enjoy what my insomnia makes me write. I literally decided to type this up at midnight and finish it.  
But yeah, more rape. It's called "Sadistic Love" for a reason. This isn't meant to be a happy story. It's meant to be an outlet for my frustration at work. xD  
****Anywho, enjoy my moronic idiocy! :D**

**Your author,  
Nova**


	5. Chapter 5

**WARNING: Contains blood and self-mutilation! And slight non-consensual material. Do not like, then do not read! You have been warned.**

* * *

I slump against the wall of my bedroom, thoughts filling and squirming around my ever-filled brain. I'm not the smartest person out there (in fact, I think Shikamaru _is_), but I am a fairly poetic type.  
Before my poems would be filled with happiness and laughter.  
Now... now they're dark; like a yellow rose stained permanently black. Or a red rose that's withered away into nothing.  
I dig through my old poems in a nearby suitcase and read them aloud, per the request of my doting now-boyfriend, Sasuke Uchiha.  
"Yellow rays that shine my face, and the feeling of his loving grace. A poignant smell caress my nose, and graceful banter like a rose. He came to take my breath away; and now I'm here to forever stay."  
He snickers and I blush. "Very... frilly."  
"I was happier then..."  
He pauses and frowns. "You're not now..."  
I give a sort of bitter laugh. "Let's just say I've adopted a darker personality to accommodate your sadism and my masochism."  
"So you're blaming me for your unhappiness?" He asks me skeptically.  
"I'm not gonna lie. Yes. I am. If you hadn't been so sadistic with me to begin with, I would have never became the masochist I am, I never would have felt despair or fell into depression. But blaming you's not gonna solve anything, so why voice it? I gotta solve my own problems." I look to the side.  
He growls and pins me to the floor. I look up at him, blue eyes shining with fear.  
He punches me in the cheek before ripping off our clothes and pressing into me very harshly. "Don't ever blame for you fucked up behavior."  
I cry out and let the tears fall down. He's so cruel. Why do I love him so much? It hurts. I'm hurting.  
He presses in and out of me and dominates me as handles me as roughly as he can, bruising my hips and causing my ass to bleed. It hurts so much. I hate it, but at the same time, I love it. He hurts me so and I endure it, beg for more. I want more. More of him, more of his sadistic love. I want it, crave it.  
I am a masochist after all.  
When he's done with my ass, he has me lick up the remaining semen on his penis before putting our clothes back on (after cleaning both of us off). He gets up and leaves as I stand up and limp toward my bed. I lay there and stare at the ceiling before hearing the door slam shut.  
I curl into a ball and just cry. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I wish Sasuke would love me like a normal human being.  
After I get the tears out, I dig through my bedside drawer and pluck out a thin razor blade. I hold it in my fingers before etching deeply into my skin. Deep enough to scar, deep enough for me to possibly die.  
I do more damage by taking a lighter to the backs of my hands and just burning the flesh. I can smell it. The smell of burning, rotting flesh.  
I'm disgusting. Repulsive. I'm rotten to the core. I need a shower.  
I head toward the shower, strip down, and turn it on. Once it's warm enough, I step in and lay down, letting my blood flow down the drain. I start to feel lightheaded before passing out.

I don't where I am or why I'm here, but all I see is darkness. There's no light, no sound. Just silence and pitch black. It's like a bittersweet nightmare.  
Is this death?  
Have I finally died?  
But... I don't wanna die just yet...  
Or do I? I'm unsure.  
I feel cold in this place.  
I don't... understand.  
Wait.  
I see something.  
I look up to see... film reel.  
Memories of my life are flooding past me... but where is "me"? I don't see my body. Where is this place?  
My memories... they seem to be fading.  
Ah. I can hear something now.  
It's faint, but I can hear it.  
It's... inaudible.  
I can't make it out, but I know where it's coming from. I run towards the sound as it grows louder and louder until finally I hear it loud and clear. Someone is calling my name.  
"Naruto! Naruto, wake up! Don't die on me! I can't lose you, too."  
Too? Wait... I know this voice.  
If only I could see their face.  
"Hang in there, please!"  
"Naruto, you can't do this to us!"  
I know that voice, too.  
I think... I think I see a light. But... it's not the light I was expecting.

I blink my eyes open and see a worried Kurama to my right with a paramedic next to him. Karin's sitting right beside him.  
Now I know why those voices were so familiar.  
I have oxygen mask on my face. I must be having trouble breathing.  
"Naruto! Thank Kami you're awake!"  
Karin's worried. I messed up again.  
I made everyone worried.  
I can't do anything right.  
"I'm tired..." I barely whisper before the world goes dark again.

* * *

**Sorry this update's so late.  
I got into a motorcycle accident and had road rash all over my hands.  
Luckily, I heal quick so I was able to make a quicky update.  
Hope you enjoy it.  
And yes... Naruto's going to be going more insane from here on out.  
**

**Your author,  
Nova**


	6. Chapter 6

I feel warm... but in an uncomfortable way. And I can't breathe. Everything hurts and I feel like I'm suffocating.  
Weeks passed by since I was in the hospital for self-mutilation. I was in one of those mental instutions.  
I think I still am there. But I don't know. I can't see. Everything's so heavy...

I open my eyes but see darkness. I was startled into my now awakened state. I'm confused and breathing heavily. Why can't I see?  
"Oh, you're awake."  
I feel something move across my eyes and light floods my vision. A rag had been over my eyes.  
"What's going on?"  
"You were sleeping. You're in pretty bad shape. You passed out while getting lunch a couple of days ago, when we investigated we found out you had an infection in the areas that you mutilated. We have you on antibiotics and pain medication. But you're daily counseling sessions will now be privatized instead of group because of your need medical attention."  
I nod. An infect wound. The irony.  
"How long have I been at this place...?" I ask suddenly.  
"Ever since your admission two months ago. Your brother and cousin visit every Wednesday and Saturday, during our visiting hours."  
I nod again. Two months. I don't remember being here that long. I might have gone automatic.  
"During these past two months... how have I... been?"  
The nurse lady laughs and looks at me. "We noticed you were experience automaticism."  
"Automaticism?"  
"Meaning that your mental state basically shuts down to block out any negativity. You do things automatically, but they're usually basic needs: eat, sleep, relieve yourself, etcetera. In group and private therapy, you never spoke. You just had a blank look on your face and we recognized that you weren't... there in a sense. You shut yourself down. I guess the infection woke you up."  
I had been blank for two month. That explains my lack of memory.  
"So during an automaticism... is the hippocampus affected?"  
"In a way. In a case of automaticism, your brain records the events but it fails to process it as a memory in your hippocampus because it's priority is set to 'survival' and basically disables any new memories from forming."  
That explains the memory (or lack thereof) issues I'm having.  
"Gotcha."  
I'm starting to realize... Sasuke should treat me better. I don't wanna go through this again and I don't want Kurama and Karin to go through this.  
I really hurt them. My family's worth more than Sasuke... right?  
I'm right, right?

Another month later and I was finally released from the hospital.  
I'm back at school and everybody has pity in their eyes. What used to be hate and scorn was now pity and sympathy.  
I guess they found out that I was the "suicide kid".  
I still have some people glaring at me, but not near as much. I reach my locker and see Kiba trying to chip away the word 'emo' off my locker. I'm used to the harassment. I put a hand on his shoulder and shake my head.  
He looks down.  
In a sense, I've moved on. But in another sense, I've also given up.  
I'm just so tired of this game of Slave and Master that I have going with Sasuke and it's driving me absolutely insane.  
Because of my little... scrimage (with myself), I am now on suicide watch. I have to speak to the school counselor everyday and my normal therapist twice a week. I have to see my psychiatrist once a month to get a refill on my antidepressant they're shoving down my throat.  
I scratch one of my whiskered cheeks and look at myself in the mirror nearby. My arms are bandaged and I look pale. I'm looking thinner than normal. My hair's also a paler blonde than it used to be, almost lifeless... like my now dead blue eyes. They used to shine a crystal blue color, now they're more like a bottomless sea blue. Into an abyss of nothingness where despair and hoplessness reign over my being.  
I'm pathetic and everyone at school knows that.  
I have to attend the school's church group every Monday afterschool. It's called the 'Saved Souls Society' or Triple S for short. They talk about how God has blessed them with life and how they found God after attempts of suicide. It's a suicide-reach group.  
There's just one problem with me being in a group like that... I don't believe in God. In Him. In the Almighty.  
I just don't.  
If He's real, then he's an asshole because he let my parents die. I wouldn't be this fucked up kid if I had parents.  
Kurama's an awesome brother, but... he's not mom. And he's not dad.  
After my first day of Triple S, I'm ready to skip town. We preached, we sang hymns, and we read the Leviticus.  
I don't want to read the Leviticus or the Exodus. I don't want to read Genesis, Deuteronomy, or Numbers. I don't want practice Psalms or pray to Him because to me, He doesn't exist.  
I walk out the school with my head down. I walk to and from school so it's no big deal if I stay afterschool or not; sometimes Kiba gives me rides but he didn't stay afterschool today.  
I'm about walk down the steps when I collide with someone running up them.  
"Ow!"  
I know that voice. I look up to see one miss Haruno Sakura.  
I quickly gather my things to stand up and leave. I don't want to talk to her.  
"Naruto...?"  
Shit.  
"Oh... uh... hey Sakura, how's it going?"  
She sneers at first before sighing and standing up. "Just fine. Since when were you such a..." She pauses looks down and sighs. "I'm sorry. For being so mean... I didn't know you were hurting so bad on the inside. Kiba told me what Sasuke does to you... I never knew he was that kind of man..."  
I blink. Well that was a surprise.  
"Why... did you believe him...?"  
"When you told me... I just thought... you wanted me to break up with him so you could have him... but then Kiba told me and Shikamaru confirmed... and I... I felt so bad... I'm so angry and confused..." She sighs again and then does the unthinkable. She hugs me.  
My eyes grow wide with surprise. "Sakura...?"  
"I'm so sorry... You have to end this relationship with him. It's hurting you. You already attempted suicide... the world's not better without you."  
I close my eyes and sigh, myself. "I know... but it's hard. Because a part of me really loves him but the other part is rational."  
"Naruto... you have my support to end it, but you can't have my support to stay with him. He's hurting you emotionally. And that emotional hurt is hurting you physically... I can't support that."  
"Thank you... Sakura... I'll figure something out."  
I walk down the steps after waving goodbye. On my way home, I stop dead in my tracks to find a sight I never wanted to see.

* * *

**Next chapter will be the last chapter.  
Just a heads up.  
And it will be the most gruesome.  
Don't like gore, I suggest not reading the last chapter... but you'll be missing out on how it ends.  
**

**Your author,  
Nova**


	7. Chapter 7

**WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN: BLOOD, GORE, RAPE, DEATH, AND OTHER MACABRE SCENARIOS! DO NOT LIKE? DO NOT READ!**

* * *

I stop dead in my tracks to see a sight I never want to see.

Sasuke has another man in his arms.

And he is having a make out session with them.

My heart stops for a second as every little thing that happened between us floods my brain.

I look up and catch his eye. He stops and pulls up with a smirk.

"What's wrong, Naru?"

He is definitely fucking with my heart.

"Don't like what you see? Too bad. You'll continue to be mine and I'm about to add another to this relationship so deal with it. You've gotten boring. Trying to kill yourself. Really? How pathetic."

Something inside me snaps. I go into a blind rage.

Before I know it, I'm dragging to unconscious bodies back to my house.

Once there, I strip them of their clothes and tie Sasuke to my chair, gagging him, before tying the new meat to my bed, gag in mouth. I have no idea who he is, but I'm past sanity.

My mind has left me.

I hover over the new meat before inserting a rod that went to my metal bed frame inside his ass. He screeches into his gag as he wakes up. Sasuke comes to and his eyes widen as he realizes that the tables have turned.

"Oh. I'm so glad you're both awake. It's time for the show," I grin and giggle maniacally.

The new meat looks at Sasuke, scared, pleadingly; but Sasuke only reciprocates that look back to me. He doesn't like this new me. Oh well. He had his chance.

I shove the pole in him as far as I can go. I can hear crunching sounds of his organs. I laugh as he screeches and screams in pain. I take a moment to grab a knife out of the kitchen, thankful that Kurama works late and Karin hangs out with her friends every day. I drag the knife over the new meat's cheek before I stab a hole in his hand.

"He was mine! And you stole him. If I can't have him... hell, I don't even want him anymore... I'm still going to kill both of you!"

Sasuke had seemed so caring when Itachi raped me, but... it was a possession thing. His "item" was touched without his permission and he got mad.

I am not an object.

I press the rod further, crunching more organs. I thrust one more time and rip through, puncturing his heart. He starts to die.

I slit his jugular with a knife and let him bleed out.

I look to Sasuke.

"You're next."

I laugh and laugh. I'm having too much fun.

Seeing him there, scared. Terrified. He should be.

"You did this to me..."

I pin Sasuke to the floor after ripping his clothes off. I shove my penis inside him. Man it feels good.

"So this is what it's like to take advantage of the person you 'love'. To rape the one you 'care about'." I begin to thrust and he cries out into his gag, tears rolling down his face.

"Don't like it, do you Sasuke?! This is what you put me through... you did this to me... you... bastard..." I cry and continue pound into him before releasing. He's crying really hard.

I can't stop now.

I want to taste his blood.

My blue eyes shine as my grin spreads into my cheeks... my whisker-like cheeks.

I take the knife in my hand. I want him to die slowly... so I peel of his skin with the knife.

He screeches in agony, muffled by the gag.

He claws at the floor as go down to his penis and scrotum. I skin those before chopping off one scrotum then the other.

He's in so much agony, he's about to pass out.

I put pressed to stave off the bleeding. I start to cut his penis off into slices, like cucumbers.

He's screeching endlessly and I love it.

He's about to pass out.

I smirk and slice his neck to drink his blood as the life fades from his eyes.

I sit on the couch, the blood all over my hands and both the bodies dragged out to the living room. Blood covers the hallways and my room is a bloodfest.

I shiver.

I killed two people.

Out of insanity...

I no longer deserve to exist in this world.

Kurama's gonna have a mess to clean up. Karin's going to be so mad.

I call the Emergency Hotline.

"Emergency Hotline, what is your distress?"

"I... I killed two people... and I'm about to kill myself... don't blame my brother... his name is Kurama Uzumaki. I am Naruto Uzumaki and by the time the police show up there will be three dead bodies. But don't blame Kurama or my sister... this was all me..."

I hang up and take the gun from Kurama's "safe place". I put it to my temple, smile, and let the tears run down my face as I bid this life adieu.

I pull the trigger.

* * *

**And that is the end.  
Nothing more and nothing less.  
I apologize for the sadness of it, but...  
I'm not exactly a happy person. ^^;  
Sorry...**

**Your author,  
Nova**


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